I envy marriage! The psychology behind it

 I envy marriage! The psychology behind it

“Marriage” as Something to Envy – A Spiritual Perspective

From a spiritual viewpoint, though not absolute, it is possible to explore why some people feel that marriage is enviable. This is particularly relevant as more young people today are choosing not to pursue marriage.

To understand the psychology behind feeling that marriage is enviable, it is essential to first consider the concept of presence.

Psychologist Sigmund Freud proposed that whether people eat, sleep, or relieve themselves, they experience some degree of pleasure, and that humans are inherently driven to seek this pleasure—a principle he called the pleasure principle.

In extreme terms, one could say that presence is equivalent to pleasure: when a person feels happiness, they simultaneously experience a strong sense of presence and a corresponding sense of pleasure.

Not being able to feel one’s own presence is not simply a lack of awareness of it. The human body and mind constantly influence each other, and this can easily generate stress as a response to a perceived threat to life.

A stress response places a person in a state where they must choose between attack or escape. Either way, it requires energy, which in turn can generate mental and physical energy.

In this context, the feeling that marriage is enviable arises when someone perceives the strong presence of married individuals while experiencing a weak sense of their own presence. This contrast amplifies the feeling of envy.

The psychology behind envying marriage: male psychology and female psychology

The feeling that marriage is enviable can also be understood from the perspective of male and female psychology, as seen from a spiritual viewpoint.

Men tend to want to be aware of others more than to be noticed themselves, while women tend to want to be noticed more than to be the observer. Ideally, this complementary dynamic draws opposites together, allowing men and women to form connections naturally.

Men generally focus on their hobbies, work, and women, placing greater awareness on the visible, tangible world. Women, on the other hand, tend to focus on increasing their own value to be noticed, and they also become more aware of their own inner heart in the process.

This dynamic, often relevant to matters of the heart and romance, is especially noticeable in women, and understanding it may help explain the feeling of envy toward married couples.

In short, when the desires to be aware and be noticed are fulfilled in others, this can trigger a sense of envy.

Furthermore, as men seek the softness found in women, they become more aware of their own masculinity. Likewise, women, in seeking the firmness found in men, become more aware of their own femininity.

If someone feels they have not fully embraced their own identity as a man or a woman, this sense of incompleteness can also manifest as the feeling that marriage is enviable.

The psychology behind envying marriage is “spiritual growth” and “spirituality.”

The feeling that marriage is enviable can also be understood from the perspective of soul growth in a spiritual sense.

As discussed many times on this blog, soul growth is similar to the growth of knowledge—each piece of knowledge represents an individual awareness, and similarly, the growth of the heart, or spiritual development, comes from each individual awareness of the heart.

When spiritual development is high, one’s presence or influence in a spiritual sense becomes stronger, the ability to fulfill the hearts of others and create meaning increases, and the more awareness one has, the broader their perspective becomes. This is not a difficult concept—it simply represents growing up spiritually.

Conversely, when spiritual development is low, one’s spiritual presence is weak, one tends to prioritize fulfilling their own heart over others’, and with less awareness, one’s perspective becomes narrower. This, too, is not complicated—it reflects being spiritually childlike.

Each awareness in spiritual growth is about recognizing qualities or aspects one does not yet possess. Men and women, as opposites, often embody qualities the other lacks, and noticing these differences can trigger awareness, promoting spiritual growth.

As spiritual development increases, so does one’s presence or charisma, shining brightly in the world. It is this radiance that can make the idea of marriage seem enviable.