Parenting! The psychology behind parents interfering

 Parenting! The psychology behind parents interfering

Parenting and the Psychology of Interference: A Spiritual Perspective

In today’s world, many parents find themselves stepping into their children’s parenting decisions—sometimes with good intentions, but often in ways that feel intrusive. Spiritually speaking, this tendency is becoming more visible in our current era. While fathers may express it too, it often shows up more strongly in mothers.

We live in a time of shifting values: authority and hierarchy are giving way to equality and horizontal relationships. Because of this, younger parents may feel irritated or even suffocated when their own parents interfere with how they raise their children.

And yet, here’s the paradox: once those same children grow up, marry, and have families of their own, many parents discover that they are drawn to intervene in the very same way. The cycle repeats itself, almost unconsciously.

At the heart of this lies a simple but profound psychological difference between men and women:

• Men tend to feel fulfillment in noticing others and actively giving attention, rather than being noticed.

• Women often long more deeply to be noticed, seen, and acknowledged, rather than being the one who does the noticing.

These opposite desires work like magnets. They attract, balance, and create the foundation for relationships between men and women. Yet when expressed through parenting, they can also create tension between generations.

From a spiritual point of view, this tension is not merely a problem but an opportunity. It invites us to break old cycles, to practice awareness, and to learn how to give and receive attention in healthier ways—so that love flows without becoming control.

Why Parents Interfere in Parenting: A Spiritual and Psychological View

At the root of parental interference lies a universal human tendency: the desire to be seen.

For men, the focus often leans toward their work, hobbies, and the tangible, visible world. They tend to feel alive when they can pay attention to others and things around them.
For women, however, the drive is often stronger in the opposite direction. They long to be noticed, to feel valued, and to cultivate their own worth in the eyes of others. This desire can easily manifest as giving advice, offering criticism, or interfering in their children’s parenting—because it feels like a way to contribute something of “value,” even if it isn’t always received that way.

From a spiritual perspective, this behavior is deeply tied to the growth of the soul. Knowledge grows through moments of intellectual realization. In the same way, the soul matures through moments of heart-centered awareness—small insights that gradually expand our consciousness. This growth of spiritual maturity (or what we might call “soul rank”) increases a person’s presence, their ability to inspire, and their creative power to enrich the hearts of others.

When spiritual maturity is low, presence is weak. A person becomes more focused on filling their own emptiness than on uplifting others. Their perspective narrows, and stress shows up more easily. In the context of parenting, this often appears as the parent who insists on interfering—not because they want to harm, but because they are unconsciously searching for recognition and a sense of existence.

Modern education, especially in places like Japan, tends to prize intellectual knowledge above heart-based awareness. This imbalance makes it easier for spiritually immature patterns to repeat themselves—such as parents constantly stepping into the next generation’s parenting.

But here is the paradox: children raised by parents with low spiritual maturity often grow strong in different ways. They may see their parents as negative examples and choose a higher path, cultivating awareness and becoming spiritually mature adults themselves.

For this reason, it is not always wise to outright reject a parent’s interference. Doing so can sometimes increase their stress and deepen their need to assert themselves. Instead, a healthier path may be to listen respectfully, take what resonates, and let go of what doesn’t.

Finally, we must remember that in today’s world, communities are less connected than in the past. Social ties have weakened, and many people—especially women—yearn for human connection. Parental interference, then, can also be understood as a symptom of that loneliness and longing. Recognizing this dynamic with compassion may be one of the most important steps toward breaking the cycle and raising the next generation with greater awareness.