Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Husband's response, role, and position! Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law issues

 Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Husband's response, role, and position! Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law issues

Daughter-in-law vs. Mother-in-law” — The Husband’s Role, Responsibility, and Position

From a spiritual perspective, not in every case but often, difficulties in the relationship between a wife and her mother-in-law may arise when the husband has not fully established his proper role, responsibility, and position within the family.

In today’s society, there is also a strong emphasis on “gender equality.” While this is important, the social atmosphere sometimes discourages us from openly considering the differences between men and women. As a result, the unique qualities of each gender can become overlooked or invisible.

From a spiritual point of view, the issue of “wife and mother-in-law” and the husband’s role within it appears as a complex matter. Interestingly, husbands’ attitudes toward this issue often seem polarized into two extremes.

For example, in the past, there was public discussion about the marriage of Yuichi Hanada, the son of former sumo wrestler Takanohana, which highlighted some of these themes.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law! Husband's response, role, and position! Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law issues

In their marriage, the mother-in-law would frequently visit the couple’s home, involving herself in cooking, cleaning, and other household matters in an overbearing way. Yuichi seemed to accept this as normal, even going so far as to invite his mother to parties with his friends. This reflected a family dynamic that was quite different from that of an ordinary household.

From the wife’s perspective, however, her position within the family was undermined. Many believed that divorce was inevitable in such circumstances, and indeed, the couple eventually divorced.

In the issue of wife–mother-in-law relationships, the husband’s response, role, and position are crucial. In this case, his role as a husband was almost nonexistent, and this may reflect a pattern that is becoming increasingly common in families today.

“Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law,” the husband's response, role, and position, differences between “male psychology” and “female psychology,” “spirituality”

“Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law,” the husband's response, role, and position, differences between “male psychology” and “female psychology,” “spirituality”

“Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law” — The Husband’s Role, Male and Female Psychology, and a Spiritual Perspective

From a spiritual point of view, one of the main issues in the wife–mother-in-law relationship lies in the husband’s inability to clearly see his own role and position.

Men generally have a stronger tendency to want to direct their awareness rather than to be the object of attention, while women tend to have a stronger desire to be seen and acknowledged rather than to be the one who directs attention. In their natural state, these opposite desires attract one another like magnets, bringing together two different genders.

Men are inclined to focus on their hobbies, work, and on perceiving the visible, external world. Women, on the other hand, often seek to increase their own value so that they can be recognized, placing greater emphasis on their inner feelings and the desire to be acknowledged.

This dynamic is also reflected in romantic relationships. Many love stories are directed toward women, highlighting emotional experiences that resonate with them.

Although it is not an absolute rule, many wife–mother-in-law conflicts can be seen as struggles over female value—a competition for recognition and importance. Unfortunately, many husbands fail to recognize this, and as a result, lose sight of their role, responsibility, and position within the family.

This misunderstanding is also reinforced in media. In many men’s comics, the heroine is often portrayed as a woman who delights in being noticed by the male protagonist. This can lead men to mistakenly believe that women, in general, will always feel happy when simply “noticed.”

Thus, some husbands assume that just as their mother is happy when acknowledged, their wife should naturally be happy to share in that same recognition—an assumption that often leads to conflict.

To be fair to Yuichi Hanada, it is worth mentioning that his father, Takanohana, was reported to have used violence against his wife. This may have influenced Yuichi’s strong attachment to his mother and his heightened sense of obligation to protect her.

“Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law,” the husband's response, role, and position, and the level of the soul, “spiritual”

“Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law,” the husband's response, role, and position, and the level of the soul, “spiritual”

“Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law” — The Husband’s Role, Responsibility, and Spiritual Level

From a spiritual perspective, there are important insights to consider regarding wife–mother-in-law relationships, the husband’s role and position, and the level of his soul.

As I have often discussed in this blog, the growth of knowledge comes from individual moments of awareness. Similarly, the growth of the soul—or spiritual rank—is also built through each inner realization that develops the heart.

When one’s spiritual rank is high, their presence in a mental and emotional sense strengthens. Their ability to positively impact others’ hearts also increases, and the more inner awareness one possesses, the broader their perspective on life becomes. This is not a complex idea; it simply reflects being “adult” in a spiritual sense.

Conversely, a person with a low spiritual rank has weaker inner presence. They tend to prioritize satisfying their own heart over fulfilling others, and with fewer inner realizations, their emotional perspective tends to be narrow. This, too, is not difficult to understand—it reflects being “childlike” in a spiritual sense.

Men, in general, tend to be less aware of their own hearts. With weaker inner awareness, their spiritual rank can remain low, and their perspective limited.

However, influenced by media such as comics, or through work that highlights inner awareness, men who value these small realizations can actually develop a higher spiritual rank, sometimes surpassing women.

Among men, spiritual rank often appears polarized. Husbands with a high spiritual rank are more capable of understanding and fulfilling their role, responsibility, and position within the family.

In Japan, however, the educational system tends to value only measurable knowledge and academic achievements. Parents often push children to pursue this as well, which may contribute to a decrease in the number of men with high spiritual rank compared to the past.

If husbands can understand the differences between male and female psychology, it could greatly improve how they handle wife–mother-in-law relationships, their role and responsibility, and their position within the family.

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