Who gets frustrated with parenting and who doesn't?

 Who gets frustrated with parenting and who doesn't?

Why do some parents get irritated during child-rearing while others don’t? From a spiritual perspective, we can see some important differences.

Raising a second or third child often feels different compared to the first experience.

Let’s first look at the stress behind why parents get irritated during child-rearing.

Psychologist Sigmund Freud proposed the idea of the pleasure principle. He explained that whenever a person eats, sleeps, or even goes to the bathroom, there is always some degree of pleasure involved. Human beings are, by nature, creatures who seek pleasure.

In other words, we could even say that “a sense of existence” equals “a sense of pleasure.” When we feel happiness, we also experience a stronger sense of existence, and at the same time, a stronger sense of pleasure.

Not being able to feel one’s own “sense of existence” is not simply about the absence of that feeling. The human body and mind constantly influence each other, and when this balance is disturbed, stress tends to appear as if life itself were under threat.

The “stress response” places a person in a state where they must choose either to fight the source of stress or to escape from it. In either case, energy is required, and as a result, both the body and mind are compelled to generate more energy.

The difference between parents who feel irritated during child-rearing and those who do not lies in this:

• Some parents feel that their own “sense of existence” is threatened or diminished by the challenges of child-rearing.

• Others are able to maintain and even strengthen their “sense of existence” through the experience of raising children.

People who get irritated by child-rearing and those who don't, the left brain and right brain, and “spirituality”

When it comes to child-rearing, the difference between parents who become easily irritated and those who do not can also be explained in terms of brain function.

The left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for logical recognition, structuring language, calculation, and comparison. In general, it specializes in perceiving and analyzing the visible, concrete aspects of reality, and therefore tends to function in a more “scientific” or analytical manner.

The right hemisphere, on the other hand, is more engaged with rhythm, music, imagery, intuition, and holistic perception. It is particularly sensitive to the emotional and nonverbal aspects of human experience.

Ideally, a healthy balance between the two hemispheres is desirable. However, since humans tend to assign value selectively, imbalances often emerge. As a result, differences in thought processes and values naturally appear.

Parents who are prone to irritation during child-rearing often react strongly to the visible behaviors of their children. The left-brain’s tendency to think in black-and-white terms can make them more easily frustrated when their child’s behavior does not align with their expectations.

In the Japanese educational system, there is a strong emphasis on measurable knowledge—particularly on test scores. Higher academic performance is frequently equated with higher personal value.

Because of this cultural influence, some parents may become irritated when their child does not meet expectations, or when they perceive it as a threat to their own social evaluation or sense of competence as a parent.

People who get irritated by child-rearing and those who don't, “spirituality,” and “spirituality”

When it comes to child-rearing, the difference between parents who feel irritated and those who do not can also be understood through the lens of spiritual maturity—often referred to as “soul growth” or “spiritual rank (reikaku)”.

As I have often mentioned in this blog, the growth of knowledge comes through individual “moments of awareness.” In the same way, the growth of the soul—spiritual growth—also occurs through each inner realization that deepens the heart.

When one’s spiritual rank rises, their presence in a mental and emotional sense becomes stronger. Their creative ability to enrich others also expands, and with more “awareness of the heart,” their perspective on life naturally broadens. This is not a complicated idea; it simply means becoming an “adult” in a spiritual sense.

On the other hand, when one’s spiritual rank is low, their inner presence is weaker. They tend to prioritize “having their own heart fulfilled” rather than fulfilling others. With fewer inner realizations, their perspective remains narrow. Again, this is not difficult to understand—it simply means being like a “child” in a spiritual sense.

With lower spiritual maturity, the sense of inner presence is weaker, making stress more likely to arise and increasing the desire to seek validation of one’s own existence.

Thus, a lower spiritual rank often leads to a narrower perspective on child-rearing, less emotional flexibility, and consequently, a greater tendency to become irritated in parenting situations.