The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law isn't going well! What is the cause? Spiritual

 The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law isn't going well! What is the cause? Spiritual

Why Do Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law Struggle to Get Along? A Spiritual Perspective

From a spiritual perspective, the tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law may be more common today than in the past.

In Japan’s Shōwa era (1926–1989), society was strongly patriarchal. The husband’s words carried the most weight, followed by his wife’s. A new daughter-in-law was generally expected to learn household traditions directly from her mother-in-law. Socially, open resistance was often viewed as immature or “childish.”

But those values have since eroded. Individual expression has become more accepted, and authority based on tradition alone carries less weight. As a result, situations where mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law clash have become increasingly visible.

Seen spiritually, this reflects a shift: what was once seen as obedience or harmony may now be interpreted as suppression, while resistance may be a sign of growing independence. Yet without mutual growth in understanding, these evolving dynamics can easily create conflict rather than balance.

Why Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law Clash: A Social and Spiritual Perspective

From a social standpoint, the growing diversity of values makes differences between people more visible. Naturally, these differences can contribute to tensions between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.

Today, traditional hierarchical relationships (vertical structures) are weakening, while peer or horizontal relationships are strengthening. In this context, conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law become almost inevitable.

Online discussions often place the blame on the daughter-in-law, but from a spiritual perspective, the greatest influence may actually come from the husband. His awareness—or lack thereof—can shape the entire dynamic between the two women.

That said, from a spiritual viewpoint, this situation is often unavoidable. Without the emergence of conscious insight or awakenings in the hearts of those involved, meaningful improvement can be very difficult to achieve.

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Why Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law Clash: A Spiritual Look at Male and Female Psychology

From a spiritual perspective, the tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law often stems from fundamental differences in male and female psychology.

Men tend to focus more on being aware of others rather than being noticed themselves, while women tend to focus more on being noticed rather than observing others. Ideally, these opposite tendencies act like magnets, naturally drawing different genders together.

Men generally center their attention on visible aspects of reality—hobbies, work, and the external world—while women, seeking acknowledgment, often focus more on enhancing their own value and the inner state of their hearts.

In relationships, this dynamic explains why women’s perspectives are deeply tied to the heart and emotional awareness, which may not always align with men’s way of seeing things.

When it comes to mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, the conflicts often reflect clashes between two women’s perceptions of their own value. The resistance and friction arise naturally from these differing viewpoints.

Husbands may inadvertently contribute to the problem. By remaining passive or siding with the mother, they may unintentionally reinforce dissatisfaction on both sides, creating and sustaining the tension between the two women.

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Why Mothers-in-Law and Daughters-in-Law Clash: A Spiritual Perspective on Soul Growth

From a spiritual viewpoint, the tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be understood as a matter of spiritual maturity or soul growth.

On this blog, I often discuss soul growth: just as intellectual growth occurs through small moments of insight, spiritual growth—or raising one’s spiritual stature—also happens through small awakenings of the heart.

When a person’s spiritual stature is high, their inner presence strengthens, their creative power to uplift others increases, and their perspective broadens with every new insight. Simply put, this is what it means to become spiritually “adult.”

Conversely, low spiritual stature indicates a weaker inner presence. People may prioritize satisfying their own hearts over uplifting others. With fewer inner awakenings, their worldview narrows. In spiritual terms, this resembles being a “child.”

Traditionally, women have a strong awareness of the heart, which helps their spiritual growth. Yet today, there is a cultural emphasis on intellectual insight alone. Even women may now exhibit low spiritual stature, acting from a more “childlike” perspective.

In relationships like those between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, it becomes natural for self-interest to dominate over consideration for the other, making conflicts more likely.

Interestingly, families involved in service or hospitality often experience more daily moments of heartfelt insight. In such households, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law tend to get along more smoothly, demonstrating the link between spiritual awareness and harmonious relationships.