Couples fighting! The difference between ignoring each other

 Couples fighting! The difference between ignoring each other

Marital Quarrels! The Spiritual Perspective on the Difference in Mutual Ignoring

From a spiritual perspective, there is a notable difference in how “mutual ignoring” plays out in marital disputes.

When a married couple ignores each other after a quarrel, the dynamic can, in a negative sense, potentially continue almost indefinitely.

In recent years, people’s awareness toward matters of the heart has tended to become weaker. Within the growing consciousness of gender equality, mutual self-assertion between men and women is more likely to clash—making mutual ignoring in marital arguments more common.

There are stories that marriages between doctors are not particularly common. This may be because, as physicians, both partners tend to have high pride, strong self-assertion, and a reluctance to admit defeat—making such a dynamic more likely.

From the standpoint of basic male and female psychology, men tend to prefer “to notice” rather than “to be noticed,” while women tend to prefer “to be noticed” rather than “to notice.” Under natural circumstances, these opposing emotional tendencies act like magnets, drawing different genders together and making it easier for them to form a bond.

Men and Women’s Differences in Awareness, and How They Relate to Mutual Ignoring in Marital Quarrels

Men, in general, tend to place greater focus on their hobbies, work, and on women they wish to notice—leaning toward awareness of the visible, tangible world.

Women, on the other hand, often have a stronger desire than men to enhance their own value in order to be noticed, and thus become more attuned to their own inner feelings as the “one being noticed.”

In matters of the heart—especially in the realm of romance—there is a tendency for discussions to be directed toward women, which may make such viewpoints easier to understand and accept.

From a woman’s perspective, apologizing after a marital quarrel can feel like a loss of personal value. This sense of resistance can make a state of mutual ignoring between spouses more likely.

There is also another way of looking at it: women tend to want to be noticed by a man of value. In the midst of a quarrel, a husband may appear to have lower value in the wife’s eyes—making ignoring him a more likely reaction.

When it comes to the brain, the left hemisphere excels at language construction, calculation, logical reasoning, and comparison—functions more oriented toward recognizing the visible, physical world, and often associated with scientific and “masculine” traits.

The right hemisphere excels at recognizing music and rhythm, forming perceptions through imagery, intuition, and sensing the overall atmosphere—functions more oriented toward perceiving the invisible aspects of the heart, and often associated with artistic and “feminine” traits.

Ideally, these two sides should be balanced. However, since humans naturally seek “value,” imbalance often occurs, leading to differing ways of thinking and divergent value systems.

Although not absolute, men tend to lean toward the scientific, preferring what can be clearly defined. Conversely, matters that cannot be neatly explained can cause them to feel vague, lingering stress—which, from a male perspective, can make mutual ignoring during a marital quarrel more likely.

As mentioned many times in this blog, the growth of the soul consists of two elements: the growth of knowledge (insight gained one piece at a time) and the growth of the heart, or spiritual refinement (insight gained from the heart, one realization at a time).

When spiritual refinement increases, one’s presence in the world strengthens in a spiritual sense, creativity that fulfills others grows, and the broader range of insights expands one’s perspective. This is essentially the process of becoming an adult in a spiritual sense—not a difficult concept.

When spiritual refinement is low, one’s spiritual presence is weak, and the tendency is to prioritize personal emotional fulfillment over fulfilling others. This narrower scope of insight leads to a limited perspective—akin to remaining a child in a spiritual sense.

Though not universally the case, many marital quarrels stem from both partners prioritizing their own emotional needs over fulfilling the other’s, which makes conflict more likely.

Generally, men tend to have weaker awareness toward matters of the heart, and those with fewer heartfelt insights are more likely to have lower spiritual refinement.

Women, while naturally more attuned to the heart and capable of greater spiritual refinement, are also influenced by a societal tendency to place high value only on knowledge-based insights. As a result, there are also women with lower spiritual refinement.

This, too, can contribute to the phenomenon of mutual ignoring in marital quarrels.